"I've been made redundant" are words I thought would never come out of my mouth (again), at least not when things seemed to be going so well. I know people say, "It's not you that's redundant, it's the position" but we make a position what it becomes. And for many of us that job is a big part of our lives and identity. A job gives us a routine and purpose, and for that to be suddenly taken away is tough. So, whether it's framed as you being redundant or "the position" - we still feel intense rejection, isolation and often confusion or disassociation. And these feelings are often heightened if like me you have ADHD.

Almost two and a half years ago, I was lost, confused, and didn’t know where or if I’d ever really “fit in” in at work. I’d worked as a youth worker for years, and had also trained as a journalist, and knew that writing was what I was good at, alongside being able to engage with the young people I worked with. Something, I often described as being my “only strength”. I have a strong sense of justice (literal words from an old school report) and so, would fight for the young people I worked with, to ensure they were supported, listened to and that they felt heard. I often felt under-appreciated by managers at work, and if I was given praise, it didn’t seem genuine. What does work mean for my neurodivergent brain I asked myself? I never found the answer. Until I did. I changed jobs in 2022, and physically felt the anxiety I had inside me from previous workplaces , relax. Almost as if it said, “You’re good now, My job is done. I think you’re going to like it here”. It was a strange feeling. Is this real? When is it going to go wrong? So far, it hasn’t gone wrong, although trauma responses still make me wait for the failure that I am sure is imminent, and will strike at any moment.