On no longer being needed or useful: the rollercoaster of redundancy
This is a blog post I thought I’d never have to write, at least at this point of my career when everything seemed to be going so well, yet here I am. It’s week two of officially being redundant from my job, a job that I adored alongside the people who worked there, so I thought I’d share some reflections. Although, still incredibly raw reflections as I continue to navigate this sea of uncertainty, and try to get people to want me again.
EXCITING BOOK NEWS! MY JOURNEY TO UNDERSTANDING INCLUSION AND PUBLISHING “NEURODIVERSITY IN THE WORKPLACE”
Almost two and a half years ago, I was lost, confused, and didn’t know where or if I’d ever really “fit in” in at work. I’d worked as a youth worker for years, and had also trained as a journalist, and knew that writing was what I was good at, alongside being able to engage with the young people I worked with. Something, I often described as being my “only strength”. I have a strong sense of justice (literal words from an old school report) and so, would fight for the young people I worked with, to ensure they were supported, listened to and that they felt heard. I often felt under-appreciated by managers at work, and if I was given praise, it didn’t seem genuine. What does work mean for my neurodivergent brain I asked myself? I never found the answer. Until I did. I changed jobs in 2022, and physically felt the anxiety I had inside me from previous workplaces , relax. Almost as if it said, “You’re good now, My job is done. I think you’re going to like it here”. It was a strange feeling. Is this real? When is it going to go wrong? So far, it hasn’t gone wrong, although trauma responses still make me wait for the failure that I am sure is imminent, and will strike at any moment.